i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize