Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
