dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
