I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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