either way he was missing a nipple.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
