Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
