I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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