This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
