6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
