Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
