Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
