Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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