He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
