And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I smell like Dick and happiness
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