So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
