we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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