Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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