Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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