One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
