I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
