Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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