You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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