watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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