I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
