I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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