I think i peed on brittanys purse
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
