I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
