just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
