Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
