I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize