felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
