Just fell off a train. Bad.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
