My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
