when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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