I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
