So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
