then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
