Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
