Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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