from now on my penis is your penis
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
