Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
