careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize