Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
