So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize