Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
