I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
