There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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