4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize