I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
