You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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