Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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