just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
