Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
