Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
