She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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