you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
