I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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