Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
