So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
