I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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