3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
