you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
