I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
