I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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