All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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