Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize