why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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