She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
