Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
